


Keep your inner child alive no matter what

by imagineering



Series: You'll be older, too [3]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Getting Together, Hasegawa's penchant for philosophical thoughts, M/M, POV Hasegawa, all associated warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28913496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagineering/pseuds/imagineering
Summary: The God of Cardboard smiles upon his people and hopes for the best.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Series: You'll be older, too [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109324
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Keep your inner child alive no matter what

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> Thank you for stopping by. So this is the last part of my miniseries about, well, nothing much, to be quite honest. If you want it to make sense, I'd recommend reading the second part first, because otherwise I'm not sure it will :D  
> For those who have read it, thank you, first of all, and secondly, I'm sorry. This is probably not going to be what you expected, if you hoped for anything, that is. But I had to make some room for my strange appreciation for Hasegawa. So here it goes!
> 
> As I mentioned before, this has been written just for fun, and I don't even own one of Hasegawa's boxes.

Hasegawa Taizou wasn't the kind of man who could claim to lead a happy life. Once upon a time he might have lived more stably than he did these days, but even then he wouldn't have said to be truly content with anything within his existence, except his wife. Hatsu, he figured much later, must have been a slip-up of the gods, gracing a failure like him with just the hint of something good and pure and incorruptible. It only fit that she was taken from him, showing him the one thing worse than having nothing: losing the single last joy you had.

  
So Hasegawa knew what unhappiness looked like. He knew that it felt like a cold night at the park in a miserable cardboard box and that it tasted like the lukewarm dregs of a sake bottle that mostly held someone else's spit by that point.

  
He was also intimately familiar with the futility of reaching for something better. How often had he thought to finally have come upon steady ground, only to have the wooden plank pulled from underneath his feet and plunge back into the cold abyss that was despair? Quite frankly, there wasn't a lot that tethered him to this world anymore, except maybe the steadily ripping noose that let him down in both, the literal and figurative sense of the word.

  
At his core, however, Hasegawa knew one thing: true happiness and goodness existed. It was hard to identify and usually it came in the most modest of shapes and forms, but it was there. It didn't always happen to you, yourself, but in his more philosophical moments, Hasegawa was aware that it didn't really have to. Wasn't it enough to stand witness, be a sentinel to this abstract phenomenon of people coming together in the most trivial ways to exchange a heartfelt sentiment like love, affection, maybe even just consideration?

  
Sure, he might have appreciated some of the old bread that uncle at the park fed the ducks, but wasn't it good to take in his selfless care for the creatures he shared this planet with while his pretty wife smiled gently at him? And certainly, he'd be happy to be invited to a dinner, too, but wasn't it nice to watch that bumbling student summon up all of his courage to ask out the cute convenience store clerk? And yes, he'd love to not be left out in the rain, once in a while, but wasn't it heartwarming to see the doctor from the children's ward of the hospital hold out his umbrella for that sweet nurse who forgot hers?

  
His situation might not improve a bit by witnessing any of this, but it gave Hasegawa strength to believe that good things would, eventually, be coming. It promised that the bone-chilling loneliness he felt would end someday. It was simply a matter of holding out and watching closely. Preferably with that pair of binoculars he had stolen from a thrift shop a while ago. And hope that they didn't shut the blinds. The uncle from the park usually did, though. It was a shame, but Hasegawa was pretty sure he'd forget one day. What he meant to say was that he was a keen appreciator of love in every, or well, most variations.

  
Being the kind of ~~peeping tom~~ love critic, if you will, that he was, Hasegawa prided himself in spotting a potential, uh, exchange of the sentiment quite early on. It was all about that spark in their eyes, the lingering gazes, the tilt of their bodies and those involuntary smiles. You couldn't only observe that when the subjects of your, well, _studies_ were together, there were signs even when you saw only one of them. Some might grow more pensive, others started humming a tune or smiling without reason. They'd fiddle with their clothes or clasp their hands nervously, or they'd look into the distance, standing motionless for hours on end.

  
Hasegawa wasn't confident in many of his skills, but in this one he absolutely was. Which was why, sitting in the park one day, he turned and said to the person next to him on the bench:

  
"I think Hijikata-san and Gintoki are falling for each other."

  
Katsura turned to face him, interrupting the game of Uno that he was currently playing with Elizabeth.

  
"I don't think I follow, Hasegawa-san. Did you say you wanted to join the Joui faction?"

  
"No. I haven't explored all the different ways to end my own life apart from that yet, thank you. As I was saying, Hijikata-san has got it bad for Gintoki. And the other way around."

  
Katsura looked at him, considering. "It's not you, it's Katsura," he said out of reflex, before adding "well, I can see the appeal in the general idea, and I do feel they might be very evenly matched while also being quite aware of the advantages of such a union, but frankly, what about this situation makes you think so?"

  
The situation Katsura alluded to was the park's tree population currently being halved from exposure to the wrath of the Shinsengumi's captain of the first division and a certain Yato girl wearing a red dress and brandishing an umbrella like it was a weapon. Which it actually was. Hasegawa wasn't sure that type of behavior complied with the youth protection act, but then again, he had never quite understood how the show kept its PG-13 rating.

Either way, that umbrella, combined with the government funded bazooka, made sure that the park would keep an army of government funded gardeners busy during the next weeks. A beautiful example of how a large organization always found ways to permanently keep itself busy. Hasegawa idly considered volunteering. In a sense, this was happening right on his doorstep, after all.

  
While the younger ones were dismantling the very structure of the place, their bosses went head to head once more, screaming and shouting bloody murder at a volume that even overshadowed the crashes of falling trees and the sounds of shots being fired, completely ignoring their surroundings.

  
"Don't you see how they move around each other? The way they're simply too close but don't bother retreating from the other's personal space? Gintoki is even leaning in further," Hasegawa pointed out.

  
"I'll admit they have a rather positive body language," Katsura agreed as the two of them started to wrestle, each trying to gain the upper hand.

  
"And their eyes! Can you see the fondness in Hijikata-san's? It's practically etched into his features and Gintoki can't seem to look away," Hasegawa went on.

  
Katsura nodded. "That is very true. I've only ever seen Gintoki stare at a strawberry parfait like that."

  
Elizabeth, having accepted that the game was a lost cause, held up a sign board that read: "So cheesy!"

  
"And look at their mouths. Not only are they way too close, they can both hardly contain their smiles," Hasegawa finished, while Gintoki bared his teeth at Hijikata.

  
"I do see where you're coming from, Hasegawa-san. But, as much as it pains me to say so, at this point, I can't see them overcoming the obstacles in their way to finally be together in the sense they're both longing for so obviously. Not with our country still as oppressed as it is," Katsura sighed heavily.

  
Elizabeth held up a sign board that read: "Just kiss already!"

  
Hasegawa hummed thoughtfully. While he wasn't entirely sure about the rebel's reasoning, he had been thinking much along the same lines for a couple of months already. Falling in love always sounded easy in theory, but there were quite a few things to consider in practice. Opening up to someone was a difficult thing, after all, especially for a person like Gintoki, who preferred to hide behind the indifference he usually didn't feel. Having people expecting something of you, even the tiniest thing, could be a burden when you felt like you had nothing left to give. For the longest time, Hasegawa thought that Gintoki wouldn't dare to take this step anymore. But some nights before, something changed.

  
He'd been hitting the Pachinko parlor with Gintoki once more, living through the usual roller coaster of high hopes and terrible luck that was his gambling experience and maybe his life in general, when, struck by the odd quietness of his friend, he decided to actually call it quits while he was in the black and followed the other out into a cloudy, humid night. He didn't know what exactly inclined him to follow the Yorozuya boss, but it wasn't the slight stagger in his gait, nor was it that he looked a little green around his nose. No, it might have rather been the fact that he was more pensive than usually and kept clasping his hands nervously.

  
Hasegawa had lost Gintoki for a moment as he fumbled with his binoculars, but when he caught sight of him again he saw him watching something, or rather someone, with an expression of so much awe and raw longing that Hasegawa felt as if he were intruding on something private. He had moved his head and his binoculars focused on Hijikata-san, sitting on the ground, face smeared with a dark liquid and hands on something out of Hasegawa's sight. Precisely at that moment, Hijikata had looked up, expression open and vulnerable, as if, in spite of himself, he cared about what Gintoki thought.

  
Hasegawa had lowered the binoculars and turned away in deep thought about the possibility of this new development and opportunity to watch the good unfold, conflicted about his role in this, as sentinel to an affection developing so close to himself. The thought stuck in his head for all of a second, before he shook it vigorously and decided that no, every kind of love was the same in the end, whether he knew the concerned parties or not, so it was his duty to keep witnessing it.

  
True to his word, he ended up where he was now, at the park a couple of days later, and got treated to the youngest performance of his newest study subjects, feeling not at all disappointed.

  
"We should keep an eye out for them," Katsura suggested.

  
Elizabeth held up a sign board that read: "This is taking way too long. I'm out of here!" He got up and left.

  
"Oh, don't you worry, I will," Hasegawa promised.

  
And he did, too. He watched them play their usual game of catch later on, although he hadn't yet figured out the significance of that bottle of mayonnaise on that fishing line. He'd have taken the mayonnaise, too, if offered, but the enthusiasm Hijikata-san mustered while reaching for it wasn't something Hasegawa could find in himself. He was certain, though, watching Hijikata-san jump for it two days after the events in the park, that he had come to the decision to reach out for Gintoki, too; that he, at least, had overcome the hesitation within himself, deciding to defeat his own fear and put his trust in the other.

  
Shifting the view to Gintoki, Hasegawa wasn't completely sure he could say the same about him, with Gintoki still looking torn and insecure in the short moment his eyes met the Vice-Commander's before he was called into his house. Hasegawa remained at his vantage position a little longer, pensively casting a glance around, wondering how he might be able to help Gintoki take heart, before finding the open blinds of a couple living two houses down from the Yorozuya, which gave him different material to think on for a while.

  
At that point, Hasegawa's day unfortunately took a turn for the worse as a hailstorm of rather huge proportions broke loose and covered the streets in ping-pong-ball-sized hailstones. Hasegawa scrambled for cover, for once not taking in any of his surroundings. He found an abandoned doghouse at the last minute and fell asleep inside, exhausted and full of frustrated desire, wishing to have seen just a little more of the love that was being exchanged that day.

  
The next morning dawned with a beautiful sunrise that Hasegawa sadly couldn't enjoy quite as much as he hoped to, having been chased from the not so abandoned after all doghouse by the furious inhabitant of the same. He spent a rather depressing day running around town in order to escape his four-legged assailant, and when he finally reached the safety of his own cardboard box, still a little soggy from the hail and worse for wear, he was much too tired to do anything else.

  
So his observation had to be postponed to the following day, and on that day it was shifted to the evening. That was when he finally walked out of the Pachinko parlor, penniless and disappointed, turning into a small alleyway and nearly stumbling over his subjects.

  
There was no mistaking their position in any way with the two of them being completely wrapped up in each other, Gintoki's hands worming their way underneath Hijikata-san's uniform, while the Vice-Commander had somehow managed to work one of his own under Gintoki's shirt, the other tangled up in his silver hair in a way that looked surprisingly gentle.

  
Hasegawa's heart nearly stopped while his feet did actually do just that and he stared at the two men devouring each other with little reservation. Gintoki's eyes shot open, however, instantly zooming in on him, and Hijikata-san, though with his back to Hasegawa because he was pressing Gintoki against the wall, stopped and turned his head to the side, too.

  
"Move along! There's nothing to look at here," he growled, while Gintoki smirked deviously at Hasegawa, as if he knew exactly what was going through his head.

  
"Uhh, sure," Hasegawa stuttered and hurried to the next corner. He rounded it and was just about to turn back and continue his observation, when he suddenly tripped as his feet got caught in something, dragging him to the ground mercilessly. He sat back up and looked down his legs, only to find his ankles wrapped up in a piece of fishing line that was tied to a bottle of mayonnaise.

  
By the time he had made sure the binoculars in his pocket had survived the fall and then proceeded to untangle himself, the two of them were gone. Well, he thought, picking up the mayonnaise and pocketing it, he'd get another opportunity to finish his research on that particular subject sooner, rather than later. With a smile, he set off into the night, knowing courage and the good had prevailed, once more.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's this. It's been a lot of fun posting my first works here. Thank you to everybody for reading, leaving a Kudo, or even commenting, but especially to T, for your encouragement:)  
> Sorry for rambling, have a great day!


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